In my five or so years of blogging I have never had such a long break as I’ve just had. I haven’t posted for a month, I have neglected this space and I’m sorry. I’m not just apologising to you, I’m apologising to myself too.
You see this blog to me is more than a diary or even a creative outlet. It’s a sanctuary and somewhere I can go when I want to empty my head and make something pretty and worthwhile (I hope) out of how I’m feeling. It’s the friend who will always listen but never judge. It’s the thing that got me through my husband’s illness and I guess in some way his death. It was the day (and evening) job I created when I needed another distraction. It still is that and I still want it to be, but things have changed and I need to work out where it’s going now.
My blog developed from a hobby to a more serious venture which could have gone somewhere. I started working with brands, collaborating on posts which were always about things I liked anyway and I never felt like I sold my soul for the odd fifty quid, tempting as it may have been.
This isn’t anything against bloggers who make money online of course, as many of my friends do, it’s just that as I already had a job I wasn’t in it for the money, so was less bothered about doing sponsored work.
This year my day job has meant I’ve had to pull back from collabs and strangely – because of what I’ve just written about them – it’s made me lose my focus. After years of having somewhere to regularly write, I suddenly feel like I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, I’ve lost my focus and sense of purpose.
I’ve written before about how I want to turn my story into a book, and work on this has slowed also as I feel like my confidence has gone and I don’t have the motivation. I’ve written quite a few chapters and a plan but I just feel like I need someone to guide me through it all. Is this a normal feeling or some sort of, ahem, early mid-life crisis?
Maybe by publishing this post it will give me a kick and get me back in to the writing habit again. I really hope so because it really isn’t something I want to give up on. I’m not sure where it’s taking me but I’m not ready to give up just yet.
I do want to keep sharing our adventures (I know this is cheesy but it’s less so than journey, right?) so here we are. The three of us, one woman and two kids, working out how we can live grow and flourish after loss.
In the meantime, does anyone know of any mentoring programmes for writers that may help? I’ve looked at a few but can’t find anyone who looks like good match for me. I know I can always rely on you for advice!
PS – Even though I’m not here so much I am always over on Instagram 🙂