A bit of mum and son time

Sam and Jules

Sam and Jules

When you have more than one child it’s hard to find the time to dedicate to just one of them – and even harder I suppose when you’re a single parent like I guess I am now. My daughter, Florence, is two and as I work part-time I’m lucky enough to have two days in the week where her brother is at school and it’s just the two of us.

Sam, on the other hand, rarely has time when he has my full attention. Apart from when we snuggle up to read at bedtime, his time with me is nearly always spent when I’m trying to multi-task – and I’m usually listening to my toddler at the same time as him, which often goes something like this.

Sam: ‘Mum, do you think Mars is hot or cold?’

Flo: ‘Mummy I love you mummy. Please can I have some chocolate mummy? Please can I?’

Me: ‘Er, hot? No, not now love, maybe later… after breakfast…’

Flo: ‘I want a drink mummy. Please can I have my Frozen cup? Please can I?’

Sam: ‘But no it’s freezing mum’

Me: ‘Oh ok.. right, what’s freezing? Come on, lets just get to school!’

I often get short-tempered with him because really, I’m just trying to spin too many plates at the same time. He’s not a quiet child, he’s outgoing, imaginative and talkative, and deserves a bit more of my attention.

The chance for my son and I to get a whole day together is rare, but I think now more than ever it’s much-needed. It’s easy to forget sometimes that Sam is dealing with a lot right now too. I’m not the only one grieving for Roger, nor am I the only one missing him dearly. On the outside, it often seems that the kids are accepting of what’s happened and don’t have those big waves of sadness like I do. But it goes without saying that they’re feeling his loss in their own way.

I know that they both miss him so much and who knows what they’re really thinking on the inside. When they’re tired and upset, they’re both more likely to cry ‘I want daddy‘ or ‘I miss my daddy’, something I’ve come to expect but it doesn’t make it any easier.

Sam, Jules and Flo

I think for Sam, it’s important that he knows I’m always there for him and even though at times he drives me up the wall he’s still my first born, my little boy and he deserves a bit of mum time just as much as his little sis.

He was off school on Friday for the start of half term so I decided it was time we spent the day just the two of us, just hanging out together and having some fun. We had a day like this early on in the summer, where I took him into Liverpool and we had a posh burger lunch (his choice, Byrons) and a trip to the toy shop. 

This time we headed into town again to get some lunch, see a film and do a bit of shopping. The thing about the four-year age gap between my kids is that just as one became old enough to enjoy the cinema, his little sister came along and made it tricky for us to go together. It was great to be able to enjoy a film together and share something like that just the two of us. For the record, we watched Hotel Transylvania 2 and loved it!

As for the shopping, Sam is a pretty good shopper and even let me have a look round Zara as a pay-off for spending so long in the Lego shop and Disney store. A lovely way to kick-off half term and a reminder that even on my saddest days, I’ve got a little mate right here and a little piece of Rog forever.

X Julia

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  • Reply
    Mackenzie Glanville
    October 25, 2015 at 8:29 am

    Yes it is really hard just to make time for one child. Uninterrupted time especially. I find it hard with Aspen as she is getting older and wants private talks and we are constantly interrupted, especially by my youngest. I think it is great that you made this time for Sam, it’s like you said he may seem OK but as a mum it sounds like you knew he needed a little extra mummy time. You’re amazing xx
    Mackenzie Glanville recently posted…Create yourself #FridayreflectionsMy Profile

  • Reply
    October 25, 2015 at 8:30 am

    That last line. Yes. BRILLIANT. So glad you had a lovely time. Sam is such a gorgeous chap xx

  • Reply
    Leigh - Headspace Perspective
    October 25, 2015 at 8:57 am

    Just wanted to say how beautiful this is, Julia. It made me smile and cry. Lots of love xxx
    Leigh – Headspace Perspective recently posted…Baby Loss Awareness Day: The Last LullabyMy Profile

  • Reply
    October 25, 2015 at 12:01 pm

    How lovely you and Sam had a bit of me time together Take Care Julia x

  • Reply
    October 25, 2015 at 1:55 pm

    Oh what a beautiful post, and it sounds like you had a lovely time too. I think that sometimes it is our eldest son who miss out most on having one on one time with mummy when they have little brothers and sisters, and they are of course the ones who remember having just me and made it all the more. Funnily enough, my #Theordinarymoments this week it was about having some very rare time with just my eldest daughter alone in our house.
    Carie recently posted…Just Kitty {the ordinary moments}My Profile

  • Reply
    Jen @ 4,128 miles
    October 25, 2015 at 2:22 pm

    Just gorgeous! Lovely to read and it sounds like a very special day. He sounds a little treat. X #sundaystars
    Jen @ 4,128 miles recently posted…Island mama – the BVI diariesMy Profile

  • Reply
    October 25, 2015 at 8:01 pm

    Ahhh SO glad you go this day wit him – so special. I know he has found the issues with his Dad hard and so this must have been a lovely, much-needed Mummy & son date. Hope you get many more xxx Thanks for linking up. Jess xx

    mummyofboygirltwins recently posted…Sunday Stars linkyMy Profile

  • Reply
    October 25, 2015 at 10:03 pm

    It is hard to juggle two kids and to make sure you spend some Mummy time with both. I am glad you had a lovely day – and I am sure Sam loved having his Mummy to himself. Funny enough I have got the exact same day planned on Friday with my eldest – Liverpool, Hotel Transylvania 2 and food – I can’t wait! x
    Natalie recently posted…The Ordinary Moments – Our Little TraditionsMy Profile

  • Reply
    Karen (@karenjwhitlock)
    October 25, 2015 at 10:19 pm

    It is so comforting to read this Julia as I have found having the time for Freyja since she started school a real struggle. With her being at school I now get some one-to-one time with Emily which is brilliant, but I have less time with Freyja. And I miss her so much. After school she is tired. She wants cuddles, but so does Emily and so I then get two tired and grumpy children fighting over me. When I do get the occasional hour with my big girl it is great. I don’t want her to ever feel that going to school means not having the time with just the two of us.
    Thanks for linking this up to #SundayStars
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  • Reply
    October 25, 2015 at 10:34 pm

    Such a lovely post. It must have felt wonderful for the both of you. It’s such a joy to dedicate one on one time with your kids isn’t it. They really do feel like your besties in those moments.
    Sugar&Rhubarb recently posted…Review & Giveaway with Lala & BeaMy Profile

  • Reply
    Lisa (mummascribbles)
    October 26, 2015 at 9:19 am

    So glad you got this day together. One of dean’s biggest fears of having a second child is that he worries about how he’d give both enough attention. Especially with working full time. It’s so hard to split the time when there’s so much going on. Yesterday we had half an hour to spruce the house up before my family came over but Zach was so demanding of our attention it didn’t make it easy! Definitely important to schedule time with them. #sundaystars

  • Reply
    Sam @ Life of Mum
    October 26, 2015 at 10:30 am

    I agree, it’s so much harder to get one-on-one time with older children. Fab that you got to spend a lovely day together. I’m sure he really enjoyed his day out and I really hope you get the chance more often xx #ordinarymoments
    Sam @ Life of Mum recently posted…The Ordinary Moments #43 – Miss IndependentMy Profile

  • Reply
    October 26, 2015 at 6:26 pm

    This is a beautiful post and I can empathise with trying to find time for all the kids! My youngest needs me in such an immediate way at the moment (I’m his constant feeding machine) that it makes it tough to spend one-on-one time with my three year-old, and it’s much worse with my ten year-old step son. There’s such an age gap it’s hard to do something special that they would all enjoy and I find it’s often the eldest who has to go along with whatever we’re doing. It doesn’t really work the other way round!
    Laura recently posted…Activities: Halloween at New HaillesMy Profile

  • Reply
    Potty Mouthed Mummy
    October 26, 2015 at 7:41 pm

    I obviously only have the one child so can only imagine the struggle to find time for more! This sounds like a lovely idea and I am sure he knows he always has you for everything. Love that picture of you two xx
    Potty Mouthed Mummy recently posted…International Elf Service ReviewMy Profile

  • Reply
    You Baby Me Mummy
    October 26, 2015 at 10:44 pm

    Oh Julia, I feel so sad for you and your loss. I cannot imagine how difficult things must be, but I am glad that you got to have some special time with Sam xx
    You Baby Me Mummy recently posted…Our Budding PhotographerMy Profile

  • Reply
    Lady Nym
    October 27, 2015 at 10:50 am

    Aw, it’s so nice you got a whole day together. I don’t get much one-to-one time with mine but Baby Bear does still nap and Tyger goes to preschool three mornings a week so we get a little time.

    Lady Nym recently posted…Interview with the AspieMy Profile

  • Reply
    Kyles @ Pickles and Pords
    October 27, 2015 at 11:06 am

    What an amazing and thoughtful mum you are. It’s so easy to get caught up in the rush and not take the time to think about these sorts of things, but your little man would have been just so over the moon. Your last line is so sad and so beautiful. Thanks for sharing #TwinklyTuesday
    Kyles @ Pickles and Pords recently posted…Bookends to My DayMy Profile

  • Reply
    Coombe Mill - Fiona
    October 27, 2015 at 11:18 am

    I love that together time that you start to really appreciate as they grow up #Twinklytuesday
    Coombe Mill – Fiona recently posted…Win Party Supplies for your Child’s PartyMy Profile

  • Reply
    Sarah Howe (@RunJumpScrap)
    October 27, 2015 at 7:09 pm

    This is lovely Julia. I’m so glad you have him and had that lovely day together. He sounds so mature and such good company xx #twinklytuesday
    Sarah Howe (@RunJumpScrap) recently posted…ObliviousMy Profile

  • Reply
    October 27, 2015 at 8:27 pm

    Sounds like a lovely day and much deserved. I can’t begin to comprehend what you are all going through. I hope you manage to steal days together more often x
    Kerri-Ann recently posted…Travel Safely with ChildrenMy Profile

  • Reply
    sarah christie
    October 27, 2015 at 10:07 pm

    Ah Julia this is so lovely, and yes it it so hard juggling at the best of time, let alone with what you have on your plate. I bet Sam loved having you to himself all day and Hotel Transylvania is fab isn’t it? x
    sarah christie recently posted…A Postcard From Q Lodges, Slaley Hall, And I Am Super-MumMy Profile

  • Reply
    Megan - truly madly kids
    October 28, 2015 at 9:10 am

    You always write so eloquently. Beautiful piece again. I am so glad you and Sam got to have a day together, it sounds fab, I hope he enjoyed it. We’ve seen Hotel T 2 too, and loved it, great film!
    Megan – truly madly kids recently posted…An easy printing craftMy Profile

  • Reply
    October 28, 2015 at 10:35 am

    Just beautiful, Julia 🙂 You have a lovely little friend in Sam and it’s wonderful that you got to spend some one on one time together! He’ll remember the fun you had forever. Mim x #TwinklyTuesday
    Mim recently posted…Do love Miffy? Here’s a giveaway for you! (Aus Residents)My Profile

  • Reply
    Caro | The Twinkles Mama
    October 29, 2015 at 10:54 am

    Aaah this made me get such a massive lump in my throat!! We sometimes forget that — although our little people are individuals in their own right — kids are made up of the people who created them. You’re right — you have got a little mate AND a living, breathing memento of Rog, all in one amazing little boy xx

    Thanks for linking up with us at #TwinklyTuesday
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