I’m starting to get used to this routine, our weekends at home as a family, trying to spend as much time together as we possibly can while simultaneously trying to stay sane.

As my husband is at the hospice most of the week, it is so special when he comes back home and we try to make it as lovely as it can be, trying to balance the pressures of entertaining our two lively kids while having not very much energy ourselves.

Rog seemed better this weekend, less tired and for the first time in so long was able to get up with us in the morning, joining us for breakfast and even making me a cup of tea! It doesn’t sound like much but believe me, it takes all his strength to get there and to see him pushing himself to do that is so touching.

Cancer is such a cruel disease and to watch someone I love so much struggle is just devastating. There are good days and bad days, and on the good days I can sometimes convince myself we’re on an upwards path, things are getting better and I’ll get my husband back. For those few moments I can kid myself things are going to be ok, but it’s not long before I see him wince in pain or catch sight of his skeletal arms, and remember where this will all eventually lead.

I wrote last week about enjoying the ordinary things in life though and that is still what I’m trying to focus on. Family life doesn’t always run smoothly though and for all those happy, smiley, contented moments we have to take our fair share of the tricky times too.

Even under normal circumstances it can be tricky to find that balance between unwinding ourselves and letting the kids cut loose a bit too. We all want to spend the most amount of time together as possible and it feels even more important knowing that time we have is limited. But where Roger and I are so tired, the kids come to the end of their weeks full of energy and they need to let off some steam at home.

Our son, a strong-willed six-year-old, has always needed lots of attention and at the moment we just don’t always have that to give. Thank goodness for my parents and friends taking him out in short bursts at the weekends and giving us a bit of calm in the house that we crave.

Our daughter, on the other hand, was born into this kind of fragmented family life and is happy to potter around entertaining herself. I wonder how our situation will affect them, but these worries are so great I’m trying to keep them at bay while I deal with what’s going on right now. I have had some hard conversations with Sam and I know he is aware to some extent what’s going on, but like me I think he finds it hard to comprehend.

He asked his dad about why he’s at the hospice for the first time at the weekend, wondering why he couldn’t just come home. Lying in bed next to Rog, he said: “But if the doctors can’t make you better why can’t you just stay at home?” before burying his head under the covers.

Something we wish we could all do sometimes to make this illness go away.

x Julia

Garden Flo

Cars playing


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  • Reply
    Deb Troops
    June 9, 2015 at 10:02 am

    Keep going x

  • Reply
    June 9, 2015 at 10:38 am

    How lovely you were altogether at the weekend….If only you could wave a magic wand Julia and your precious husband would be free of that dreaded disease Bless hiim….Take care Julia and stay strong x

  • Reply
    June 9, 2015 at 11:10 am

    I’m so sorry to read this, I’ve found your blog recently and I’m heartbroken to read about your husband, sending you all love and strength xx

  • Reply
    Tessa roberts
    June 9, 2015 at 1:59 pm

    Xxxxxxxx.Thinking of you allxxxxxxx

  • Reply
    June 9, 2015 at 2:51 pm

    So hard to read, but you seem to be coping so well.

  • Reply
    Hayley (@hayleyfromhome)
    June 9, 2015 at 9:13 pm

    Julia, I read this earlier but didn’t get chance to comment. Rog making you a cup of tea has been on my mind all day, such a sweet gesture and just lovely that you get these moments at home together however crap the rest of it all is. Every time I read your posts I wish I had something comforting to say, as always, thinking of you xxxx
    Hayley (@hayleyfromhome) recently posted…Living Arrows {23/52}My Profile

  • Reply
    sarah christie
    June 9, 2015 at 10:02 pm

    Julia I am so glad you are getting precious time together, sending lots of love beautiful lady x
    sarah christie recently posted…Those Little Travel EssentialsMy Profile

  • Reply
    Joanna Parry
    June 9, 2015 at 11:35 pm

    Keeping you all in kindest thought and prayer

  • Reply
    Mackenzie Glanville
    June 10, 2015 at 6:39 am

    I love that he made you that cup of tea, it shows his love for you in the sweetest way. I’m so sorry for you and your precious children, may you keep finding the strength you need, prayers are with you xx
    Mackenzie Glanville recently posted…Photographs: Mummy & UsMy Profile

  • Reply
    June 10, 2015 at 12:32 pm

    Keep enjoying all those precious and important moments. I hope that there any many, many more to come. It must be the hardest thing to go through – and very tough on you as a family. Am thinking of you every day. Big hugs xxxxx
    mummyofboygirltwins recently posted…Home Etc #4My Profile

  • Reply
    June 10, 2015 at 12:47 pm

    I’m so glad that he is getting to come home. Thinking of you all lovely xx
    Lisa@intotheglade recently posted…A Duck Egg Living Room with a splash of Orange!My Profile

  • Reply
    Everything Mummy
    June 10, 2015 at 7:03 pm

    Im glad your enjoying the time he’s able to come home with you, you and your family are so strong I’m so sorry you going through this xx
    Everything Mummy recently posted…Kids Corner #6My Profile

  • Reply
    June 10, 2015 at 8:57 pm

    A cup of tea. It really is the little things isn’t it. Thank you for showing us that xxx
    Kiran recently posted…You can’t protect your children foreverMy Profile

  • Reply
    Katie LifeonVistaStreet Haydock
    June 10, 2015 at 10:13 pm

    A cup of tea has so many meaning. Love, warmth and comfort.
    Sending you all my strength… and love xxxx
    Katie LifeonVistaStreet Haydock recently posted…Tick Tock Gro ClockMy Profile

  • Reply
    Vickie from 29 year old mama
    June 11, 2015 at 6:13 am

    I’m sure you savoured that cup of tea in every way- enjoy your weekends x
    Vickie from 29 year old mama recently posted…When they turn into big boysMy Profile

  • Reply
    Megan - truly madly kids
    June 12, 2015 at 4:27 pm

    Beautiful writing as always, Julia. I hope that blogging proves a release for you and somewhere to help you understand all you are feeling. So lovely to hear that you have friends and family who are on hand to help. Big love as always to you xxxx
    Megan – truly madly kids recently posted…Image of the Week #19 – BeachMy Profile

  • Reply
    Elizabeth (Wander Mum)
    June 12, 2015 at 9:57 pm

    So glad to hear Rog has been home. How great to spend precious time together as a family doing normal, everyday stuff. It really is the little things. You’re amazing. Thinking of you all. Xx

  • Reply
    Karen (@karenjwhitlock)
    June 18, 2015 at 3:29 pm

    Heartbreaking. The bit about Rog making you a cup of tea had me in pieces – such a seemingly small gesture which is actually a really big thing for him.
    Thinking of you, as always x
    Thanks for linking up to #SundayStars
    Karen (@karenjwhitlock) recently posted…Need a napMy Profile

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