Family,Loss

Interesting vs Ordinary

Bank holiday weekend was supposed to be another chance for us to spend time at home as a family, but sadly my husband is having to stay at the hospice as another infection is keeping him tied to a drip for a few days. He managed to come home last weekend, and we’re still hoping he will be back for the next, so there is something good to focus on this week.

I’ve struggled to write lately, I’ve been feeling so low and tired. I haven’t been able to concentrate my thoughts further than thinking why is everything just so bad? There are distractions, and we’ve found happiness in some of the ordinary moments, but the overarching feeling is one of being pressed under a big black cloud that isn’t going away.

Roger is becoming thinner and more tired and it’s this visible sign of cancer that’s hitting me hard. Although when he’s at the hospice he spends nearly all his time in bed, fortunately his mind is still very much all there and I’ve got the same Rog I love to pieces. We can still spend hours talking about normal things, like what the kids have been up to, what we read in the news, what we’re having for dinner and all the usual stuff. Have I signed Sam up for tennis club yet? Called the garage about the car? These are the conversations that stop us from talking about the big stuff, but that inevitably creeps in.

We can pepper this normal stuff with the serious stuff. Every now and then one of us remembers what’s going on and we hug, kiss, cry, and say what are we going to do? Why is this happening to us? And then the practical – how do you plan a funeral? Who sorts out the sandwiches? The readings? Who looks after the kids?

Roger always used to joke about the Chinese curse “may you live in interesting times”. There have been times in my life (admittedly not for a very long while) when I’ve felt I needed more action, wanted something to happen, a change in personal circumstances or work life, I’ve prayed for something just more, well, interesting.

What we’d give now to be able to zoom back to our old lives, the daily routines that sometimes seemed a bit dull, the times when we seemed to be working too much and not having enough fun, the days when we’d only see each other for a few hours at work when our shifts overlapped and we’d have just a five-minute catch up over a cup of tea. These are the things we’d give anything to go back to now.

It’s in the ordinary where we now find so much joy. Being together as a family, watching a film together, seeing Rog teach Sam how to play chess, and Flo grab an armful of books and snuggle up in bed next to her dad.

These are the things I treasure the most. Interesting? No thanks, I’ll take normal every time.

X Julia

The Twinkle Diaries
Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Pin on PinterestEmail this to someoneShare on TumblrShare on StumbleUpon
Previous Story
Next Story

You Might Also Like

19 Comments

  • Reply
    Cath
    May 24, 2015 at 9:44 pm

    Hiya Julia…Love n hugs to you all….Its lovely reading all about your precious family…I kind of know what your going through as I lost my dear husband two an half years ago at age 61 with a massive heart attack…you have just got to try and take one day at a time chick…Take Care and hope your precious husband is well enough to go home next weekend Love Cath x

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      May 24, 2015 at 10:28 pm

      Thank you so much for your comment and I am sorry to hear you’ve had such an awful experience too. Your advice sounds like the only way, it’s good to hear from someone who’s been in a similar position. I hope you’re doing ok, and thank you xx

      • Reply
        Cath
        May 25, 2015 at 11:14 am

        Thank you Julie for replying to my message…I miss my husband every single day but you just have to get on with the best life you possibly can…and as they say time is a healer you don’t think it is when the inviteable happens but it is…Take Care chick xxx

  • Reply
    Sally wheatman
    May 24, 2015 at 10:48 pm

    Normal is very underrated. Love to you all xx
    Sally wheatman recently posted…Street Photography: Seven PhotosMy Profile

  • Reply
    Mackenzie Glanville
    May 25, 2015 at 4:24 am

    Reading this post breaks my heart for you, I wish I could somehow help you back to ordinary too. At a loss for words, so I’ll send wishes and prayers to all of you xx
    Mackenzie Glanville recently posted…Is ageing scary?My Profile

  • Reply
    we3three
    May 25, 2015 at 5:57 am

    This is such a moving post. I am so sorry that you are going through this. How cruel life can be, i just dont understand it.

    I am guilty of wanting ‘something’ exciting to happen but you are right it is the ordinary moments we should treasure and always be thankful for.

    x

  • Reply
    Rachel @ tenminutesspare
    May 25, 2015 at 6:32 am

    The ordinary moments are definitely some of my favourite each week. Little normal bits of happiness. Glad you’ve got some of these to hang onto. Would you mind if I sent you an email sometime? Not that any of my personal experience will make anything you’re going through easier but at 18 months after a terribly sad family bereavement I might be able to offer some experience of how everyone has coped? If you need more time just focussing on the happy times you can catch in your family then that is a great thing too and I’ll not trouble you. Lots of love x
    Rachel @ tenminutesspare recently posted…An Honest Account of my MotivationMy Profile

  • Reply
    Beth Twinderelmo
    May 25, 2015 at 6:38 am

    It’s a strange feeling isn’t it – caught up in the same monotonous routine of school runs, bedtimes and getting up to do it all again. It feels like Groundhog Day but when the C word decides to position itself slap bang in the middle of it you long for the days where the biggest dilemma was forgetting a PE kit or not having any butter for toast and school sandwiches.
    I hope he manages to make it home next weekend. It’s so lovely to have that to look forward to each week and I do hope you have more smiles than tears Sending love to all 4 of you xxx
    Beth Twinderelmo recently posted…Silent Sunday [24/5/15]My Profile

  • Reply
    Hayley Smith @hayleyfromhome
    May 25, 2015 at 7:29 am

    I would so love to see you having more ordinary moments too, it’s so sweet that you still get glimpses of it and that there are moments you can truly enjoy your time together. I hope Rog makes it hope this weekend and you can have a normal, ordinary weekend with your family. So much love xxx
    Hayley Smith @hayleyfromhome recently posted…Sunny Evenings {The Ordinary Moments}My Profile

  • Reply
    Mini Travellers
    May 25, 2015 at 7:30 am

    ordinary can definitely be overlooked. I pray for many many more ordinary weekends for you both my lovely. Have you booked those tennis lessons?!? Xxxx
    Mini Travellers recently posted…Travel Tips – What toiletries to pack!My Profile

  • Reply
    Elfin Bow
    May 25, 2015 at 8:20 am

    Hi Julia,

    Your words are brave and very moving. We all have our struggles of one kind or another but your situation puts things in perspective and reminds us to treasure those precious ‘ordinary’ moments that we so often take for granted or even wish away. Thank you for writing xx

  • Reply
    Colette
    May 25, 2015 at 8:30 am

    Sending lots of love. You’re right ordinary is so precious x
    Colette recently posted…The unexpected costs of building workMy Profile

  • Reply
    Deb
    May 25, 2015 at 8:44 am

    Hi Jules living in the normal is a craving I know only too well and I think the only way to cope is by accepting that this moment right now is normal. I stopped looking back and I daren’t look forward and that’s helped me breathe in and out and put one foot in front of the other. I’ve started a blog so many times but like you the tiredness and sadness stop the words. But you know what you’re such a great writer that loads of people are waiting for your next instalment because even though this is so rubbish you’re carrying all of us with you through wit and love and tiny joyous moments. Keep going Jules we all love you and normal is the new normal don’t you know x

  • Reply
    Notmyyearoff
    May 25, 2015 at 1:33 pm

    I’m so sorry this is happening and you’re so right about the ordinary. That’s what we miss when it’s not there. I hope you do get lots and lots of ordinary moments, just the 4 of you xx
    Notmyyearoff recently posted…Silent Sunday & Project 52 – Week 21My Profile

  • Reply
    Jenna
    May 25, 2015 at 2:22 pm

    I’m glad there’s room for some ordinary, yet lovely, moments in this horrible situation you are going through. Your positivity never ceases to amaze me but I know it’s all you can do to get you through one day to the next.

    I hope Roger is well enough to join you at home next weekend. Thinking if you all. xxx
    Jenna recently posted…HappyDays #30My Profile

  • Reply
    Lisa@intotheglade
    May 26, 2015 at 7:04 pm

    Here is hoping that you get a ton more “ordinary” and a lot less interesting! Keeping everything crossed that he gets home this weekend.Take care lovely lady, you wouldn’t guess you were struggling to write anything xxxxxxx
    Lisa@intotheglade recently posted…Casa Italia – Liverpool!My Profile

  • Reply
    Rachel @ The Ordinary Lovely
    May 27, 2015 at 3:54 pm

    Oh Julia, interesting is most definitely overrated. I wish for you lots of ordinary, everyday moments. It seems wrong to say that I ‘enjoy’ reading your posts but I really do. It’s more because you’re in my thoughts and I think about how you’re doing and wishing that your circumstances were different. You and your family are in a lot of people’s hearts right now x
    Rachel @ The Ordinary Lovely recently posted…Things I’m Loving Lately (May)My Profile

  • Reply
    Tim
    May 27, 2015 at 4:24 pm

    A little bit of interesting is okay but there’s a lot to be said for the ordinary. I hope you’re able to enjoy as many ordinary moments with Roger as you can.
    Tim recently posted…Wednesday Words of Wisdom: A matter of talentMy Profile

  • Reply
    Leigh - Headspace Perspective
    June 1, 2015 at 6:07 am

    Oh Julia, such a beautiful post. I understand your sentiment – I wrote a similar post last year about how for most of my life I’ve been wanting to be ‘different’ but now I long to be normal. Lots of love xxx
    Leigh – Headspace Perspective recently posted…Sunday Thought: Running Away from My ProblemsMy Profile

  • Leave a Reply

    CommentLuv badge

    Read previous post:
    Butterflies

    A few weeks ago we started our project to watch a cup of baby caterpillars transform into butterflies. The last...

    Close