Loss

Surviving milestone dates with love and stars

Jo Malone and Stars http://rainbeaubellle.com

Jo Malone and Stars http://rainbeaubellle.com

I’m sure I don’t need to tell you this if you’ve read my blog in the past week or so, but yesterday was one of those dates for me. One of those milestones that I can’t help thinking about, and one of those that I knew was not really going to be a joyous day.

So often people talk about the ‘year of firsts’ after you lose someone you love, and how tough that can be. First Christmas without them (that was pretty tricky), first birthday (coming right up), first anniversary (yesterday) and I guess the biggie, the day that marks a year since your loved one died (still got four whole months left before that one, phew).

No matter how hard you try to take your mind off these dates, they’re there, lurking and the emotional rollercoaster you’re already on tells you to buckle up and get ready for some major turbulence.

Since writing my last post about our five-year wedding anniversary I’ve been overwhelmed with lovely comments and support from my friends, family, virtual friends, blog readers, strangers, the list goes on. I think when I’m writing this blog at home, I sometimes don’t think ahead to how many people might read it and it’s pretty overwhelming when lots of you do. But thank you! It really means a lot, and somehow makes me feel just a tiny bit less alone in all this than I might have done.

Flowers http://rainbeaubelle.com

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is the 12th March has been and gone, and I survived. I’ve had tears, lots of them, and laughs, quite a few of those, oh and a slight gin hangover in the mix there too. That’ll teach me to think substituting dinner for a few large gin and slims with my friend was wise won’t it?! I don’t think Rog would blame me for that. I think he’d smile, give me a hug and say it’s ok. That’s usually what he did, after all.

A tearful day was cheered up a little by such kindness from others too. I opened the door, during a little cry, to a lady holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers from my friends. Such a gorgeous gesture which like so many times in the past few years, had me scouting round the house for an extra vase as I’ve been so spoilt with lovely blooms lately.

I opened a few really touching cards with kind words, one with a little Estella Bartlett bracelet inside from my friend Rachel, with tiny gold stars on which she said reminded her of my post, Daddy’s a Star in the Sky.

Later on, my sister gave me such a lovely pressie to mark what would have been our ‘wooden’ anniversary – a bottle of Jo Malone Wood Sage and Sea Salt Cologne. Just perfect!

We did go to The Wheatley, the place where our wedding reception was held, we did raise a glass to the day, and we did have a really lovely time. So although the day started with tears, it certainly didn’t end with them.

x Julia

Black and Sigi http://rainbeaubelle.com

Estelle Bartlett stars http://rainbeaubelle.com

Previous Story
Next Story

You Might Also Like

13 Comments

  • Reply
    Mini Travellers/Mini Ventures
    March 13, 2016 at 8:59 pm

    Beautiful post Jules and some lovely thoughtful friends and family you have there too. Beautiful gifts and I’m glad you survived this first xxx
    Mini Travellers/Mini Ventures recently posted…How to Feel Like Wonder WomanMy Profile

  • Reply
    Leigh - Headspace Perspective
    March 13, 2016 at 9:10 pm

    Those ‘firsts’ really are so tough. So many what ifs and should have beens. While the milestones are awful, you do get through them – what has come before gives you a certain resilience I think.

    What beautiful thoughtful gifts you received. I especially love the stars bracelet! How lovely you went to the pub where you celebrated your wedding – I’m sure Rog is so proud of you. Much love xxx
    Leigh – Headspace Perspective recently posted…The Week That Was March 18, 2016My Profile

  • Reply
    Donna
    March 13, 2016 at 9:29 pm

    I missed your last post but so many people mentioned it that I knew this date was coming up. I’m glad you got through it and that it wasn’t a bad day. That date will get easier as the years go by x
    Donna recently posted…The Best Day Ever – The Ordinary MomentsMy Profile

  • Reply
    Notmyyearoff
    March 14, 2016 at 7:03 am

    What lovely presents. I thought of you over the weekend and hoped you were ok. I love that you marked the day in your own way, it sounds like the perfect way to do it x
    Notmyyearoff recently posted…The kids in this playgroundMy Profile

  • Reply
    Katie @mummydaddyme
    March 14, 2016 at 2:33 pm

    You sound like you have some very thoughtful and kind people in your life. And I am glad that it wasn’t too bad all things considered and you were brave enough to go back to your reception venue. Sending you all my love as always. xx

  • Reply
    Hayley Smith @hayleyfromhome
    March 14, 2016 at 3:18 pm

    Im so glad you got through another of those firsts, relatively unscathed. It’s lovely that you have such good people around you and you definitely deserve all those little treats Julia, it makes me happy to see you so well looked after xx
    Hayley Smith @hayleyfromhome recently posted…Babies No MoreMy Profile

  • Reply
    Becky | Spirited Puddle Jumper
    March 14, 2016 at 3:36 pm

    I’m so pleased for you that you got through it and managed smiles among the tears. It sounds like you have some fabulous people in your life, so hang on to them, and they’ll be there to help you through the tricky times. You’ve done brilliantly by the sounds of it, those firsts must be the hardest xx
    Becky | Spirited Puddle Jumper recently posted…Easter Pegboard StylingMy Profile

  • Reply
    Alan and Clarice
    March 14, 2016 at 5:44 pm

    It was a weekend of great reflection on becoming married to Rog the great love of your life.

    He would have loved to be there with you and the tears would have been entirely joyous. Maybe he was!

    In your journey through this you have endeared yourself to so many people along the way.

    How lucky we all are to know you!! Keep on keeping on and your life will eventually become thoroughly

    worthwhile and the wonderful kids you are blessed with will be the ultimate salvation, thinking of you always ,

    Your neighbours Al and Clarice xx

    xx

  • Reply
    Rachel @ The Ordinary Lovely
    March 15, 2016 at 9:49 am

    Huge hugs, Julia. Not only did you get through the day, you got through it with a few smiles and surrounded by friends and family who adore you. You’re massively brave xx
    Rachel @ The Ordinary Lovely recently posted…Styling the seasons – MarchMy Profile

  • Reply
    Tracey Williams
    March 15, 2016 at 9:33 pm

    Oh Julia you were in my thoughts on Saturday. What wonderful friends and family you are surrounded by who ensured your day was still a celebration. I love all your beautiful and thoughtful gifts, you deserve them so much. Hugs xx
    Tracey Williams recently posted…Dining at TGI Fridays in the Trafford CentreMy Profile

  • Reply
    Linda Greentree
    March 19, 2016 at 9:06 pm

    Julia, lovely writing about a very poignant time & so nice to see how well supported you are by family and thoughtful friends. It makes all the difference, I certainly could not have coped without mine.
    My husband of 35 years died on 21st Nov last. I was with him from the age of 17 so have never been an adult on my own. It is a very difficult thing to cope with suddenly becoming a single person and single Mother. The first of my firsts came round quickly with Christmas and our wedding anniversary on New Years Eve. I know how you must be feeling and I am gearing up for Fathers Day, birthdays and the birth of Grandchildren he will never see. I am sure we will all keep going & work through them. Keep up the lovely blogs. I wish I had your way with words.

    Linda

  • Reply
    Natalie
    March 23, 2016 at 9:28 am

    Such a beautiful post, you are very much loved. Xxx
    Natalie recently posted…Building the foundationsMy Profile

  • Reply
    #FridayFive // 25.03.16 - Dekko Bird
    March 25, 2016 at 7:46 am

    […] was very touched reading this post by Julia over at Rainbeaubelle blog, who tragically lost her husband to bowel cancer only […]

  • Leave a Reply

    CommentLuv badge

    Read previous post:
    Wedding bouquet http://rainbeaubelle.com
    My five-year wedding anniversary as a widow

    This Saturday is a very special date for me. Well it would have been, if Roger were still here. We...

    Close