If you read my posts from a few weeks ago you’ll know I’ve been spending a lot of time in hospital recently. My husband Roger was taken into intensive care and then spent a few weeks on a ward while the doctors tried to work out what had happened to him.
Well I’m happy to say things have moved on, and the good news is that he’s back home in the comfort of his own surroundings. The bad news, and it seems there is always bad news, is that he doesn’t seem to be that much better and we still don’t know what caused him to become so poorly in the first place. The reality is we might not ever find out.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told the story, but I’m starting to feel a little bit more worried each time I do. I wish I had some answers, but I don’t.
It goes a little bit like this. “So do they know what happened?” No.
“Was it all related to the last time he was taken into hospital?” We don’t know.
“But what if it happens again? Will he be ok?” I don’t know.
And this is the scary part. I think this time it’s really hit me how complicated this all is, and how sometimes there is no fix and you just have to live with it. Last summer, he was feeling so much stronger I started to feel like we could get back to some level of normality, but now I feel we’ve been set back such a long way and I can’t see a way out.
I’m trying to focus on thinking positively, thinking for today and trying to help him build his strength up again with milkshakes, cheese and homemade soup. Those chocolate puddings he was prescribed are still kicking around somewhere, but lemon drizzle cake tastes so much nicer!
Since he came home from hospital, he hasn’t improved and is still suffering with an upset stomach, which we presume is the after effects of contracting C. difficile in hospital. It just seems to be never ending. I’m fed up of hospitals, sickness and uncertainty. I’m just hoping that in the end we will get an answer and his health problems start to ease off enough for us to get on and put some of this behind us.