Family,Loss

Why I’m not making any resolutions

Brighter in 2016 http://rainbeaubelle.com

Brighter in 2016 http://rainbeaubelle.com

Rewind to New Year’s Eve last year, and I was sitting in my kitchen, waiting for my husband to come home from his late shift, having a glass of wine and trying to write a blog post reflecting on our year.

After many failed attempts at emotional, sad outpourings, I decided to scrap what I’d written and go for a lighter, more positive take on New Year’s.

I wrote this – my hopes for 2015.

It’s been on my mind for a while now but I haven’t wanted to re-read it as it just sounds so ridiculous now. As a family, we’d had a rough time but things were looking up and I was really hoping this year would bring stability and happiness.

Grateful for this ‘normality’, this thing we all try to avoid in our youth but grow up to crave, my list included things like learning to crochet, going to more gigs, booking our first holiday abroad. What it certainly didn’t include was spending many more months in hospital and losing my most favourite person in the world. That was definitely not in the plan.

It’s easy to say things will be better this year, we’ve said goodbye to 2015 and the coming 12 months will be a breeze in comparison. But who can say that for sure? We never know what’s coming, so now more than ever I think it’s time to try to live more in the moment, be thankful for what we have and try, just try, to be kind to ourselves.

I kind of see resolutions as tempting fate now. I think the only one I ever stuck to anyway was when I gave up smoking in 2008 (although I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been tempted to start again pretty much every day for the past couple of years!).

Brighter new year http://rainbeaubelle.com

However, I don’t see any harm in taking the time to think about how we could improve our lives, and ourselves, by making a few little tweaks and improvements. I have a lot to think about this year, I’m feeling bit lost and directionless to be honest, and sometimes think I would feel better if I had some sort of plan. But the way things are at the moment I’m just too tired to think ahead and to make any major life decisions. Just getting through each day is an achievement and the things I think would make my life easier are having more time to myself and more time to sleep! Not the easiest or most exciting of goals I know. It’s quite hard to think of anything that would improve life that isn’t the most obvious thing, which is having Rog back and our family all together.

I’d like to think of things which will make this year more bearable, more possible, so things which would generally make daily life that little bit easier. There are loads of big things to tackle, like my tempestuous relationship with my son for one, but I’m not sure today is the day for all that. Today is the day for taking it easy, trying to have a day where we all get along, all have the space to do a little bit of what makes us all happy. Today is a day for wondering how we can heal a little bit and live through this year. Or maybe not just live through it but enjoy it, be stronger because of it, and end the year in a different place to where we are now.

I’ve been reading a few posts this week about the New Year, and this is one of my favourites, on the ace blog The Pool.

It’s called ‘What I’m doing differently in 2016: Everything I should have done already’ and is about how the list of things you might regret not having done are still possible, so why regret them?

If you always feel like you could have done something, then why not get on and do it? I’m feeling an element of that too, seeing as I think a lot about the shortness of life at the moment. There are definitely things I’ve always wanted to do which I haven’t got round to yet, so maybe 2016 will be the year I get to think a bit more about those. I need to go away and fill my diary with some fun stuff, as well as blocking out some quiet time too.

However it goes, I can only hope we (and you!) have a happy and peaceful year and although I know there will be difficult times I hope there are some lighter ones too.

Just like the card says, Hey little fighter, soon things will be brighter.

x Julia

Diary for 2016 http://rainbeaubelle.com

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Pin on PinterestEmail this to someoneShare on TumblrShare on StumbleUpon
Previous Story
Next Story

You Might Also Like

43 Comments

  • Reply
    Katie @mummydaddyme
    January 3, 2016 at 8:05 am

    It must be hard and bittersweet to read back the old post and think about the milestones like new years Eve that you experienced before. I think making no resolutions is a good thing, just try and enjoy the smiley times in your year and get through the hard times too. Your post has reminded me yet again not to take things for granted. I wish that you and your children have lots of good things happen this year- I wish that more than anything. Sending you lots of love as always. X

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      January 3, 2016 at 8:18 am

      Thanks Katie. It really does seem so ridiculous to read that old post now, I just want to delete it! Yes, making the most of the good things is the way forward! Lots of love xx

  • Reply
    Mummyofboygirltwins
    January 3, 2016 at 8:24 am

    I think focusing on each day is a good plan. Making little steps is definitely a good idea. I hope that we get to catch up this year again would be great to see you. You are so brave and strong and deserve better things ahead xxxxxxxx

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      January 3, 2016 at 8:53 am

      Thanks Jess. Yes, definitely want to meet up again soon and have more time to chat! Thank you so much. Lots of love xxx

  • Reply
    Lisa (mummascribbles)
    January 3, 2016 at 8:29 am

    What a lovely post Julia (as always) – it must be hard to read back that post and think about everything that happened. I really do wish you the best 2016 you can have – try not to be too hard on yourself, try not to expect too much of yourself. I hope the relationship with your boy improves over the coming year and that you all make some very happy memories together. Rog wouldn’t want it any other way. Sending you big hugs xxx

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      January 3, 2016 at 8:54 am

      Thanks Lisa. Good advice, and yes, I know, Rog would want us to be strong and take it slowly! Lots of love xx

  • Reply
    Beth Twinderelmo
    January 3, 2016 at 8:49 am

    Ah your writing. I could read it forever. I totally relate to the situation with Sam. Charlie has really started to become very testing and I don’t know what to do
    I hope 2016 is gentler to you all. I won’t wish it easy because well how can it? But I hope life has fewer hills to climb this year for you all xx
    Beth Twinderelmo recently posted…Tourist Strolls [The Ordinary Moments]My Profile

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      January 3, 2016 at 8:53 am

      Ah thanks Beth. You know what, we need to organise a meet up soon seeing as we have same age kids, they can get stuck in and it will give us both a break! haha. Lots of love xxx

  • Reply
    Amy Green
    January 3, 2016 at 8:49 am

    It must be hard for you to read old posts with things you wanted to achieve as a family but I for one think you are so strong! You have to do what you need to do and I hope you have a peaceful new year full of hope xx
    Amy Green recently posted…Blogs, Buffets & The Cold #LittleLovesMy Profile

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      January 3, 2016 at 8:54 am

      Thank you! That is nice to hear, I think just enough is going to have to be good enough this year! xx

  • Reply
    Hayley Smith @hayleyfromhome
    January 3, 2016 at 9:28 am

    I would love for this year to be easier for you Julia, at least I hope you have more moments when you feel enjoyment and happiness. There is no need for you to make grand plans, I think taking each day as it comes sounds like the best plan you can have and definitely if you want to do something go ahead and do it! I like that idea. Happy New Year beautiful xxx
    Hayley Smith @hayleyfromhome recently posted…2016 – Keeping It SimpleMy Profile

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      January 3, 2016 at 9:25 pm

      Thanks Hayley. Yes, I think I am thinking of just going for things a bit more than I used to. Let’s meet up soon! lots of love xx

  • Reply
    Honest mum.
    January 3, 2016 at 9:31 am

    Thank you for reminding us all of what matters in life, I love the idea of going out there and grabbing life by the horns, be it more sleep or carving out time for your passions. A beautiful, honest post and love the Pool post too, last year I stopped compartmentalising myself, before blogging I’d resigned to an idea of who I was or meant to be as a filmmaker (part self perpetuated but also what I’d been told over and over working in the industry). By throwing off those notions and not worrying what others thought, I just went for stuff that made me happy or pushed me, some things were amazing, others I wouldn’t do again but on reflection, all were valid and most of all, fun for the most part. Sending you love, strength and happy times xx
    Honest mum. recently posted…Meeting Father Christmas at Beningbrough Hall, YorkMy Profile

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      January 3, 2016 at 9:24 pm

      Thanks Vicki, your advice means a lot and is reassuring too. I hope I can manage to make the right choices this year! xx

  • Reply
    Leigh - Headspace Perspective
    January 3, 2016 at 10:27 am

    I understand what you mean lovely. At the end of 2014/start of 2015 I looked back to my hopes of the year before – pregnant with a much-wanted baby, so looking forward to the baby arriving and becoming a Mummy in June. Everything went very wrong of course. We never know what is around the corner do we? I still find it hard to make plans and things – I’ve made a word for the year – ‘Blossom’ – to reflect the beauty and fragility of life. Day by day appreciating the little pleasures. Much love Julia xxx
    Leigh – Headspace Perspective recently posted…(Mostly) Healthy Packed Lunch IdeasMy Profile

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      January 3, 2016 at 9:12 pm

      That is so sad Leigh, it must be so painful to read that. I like the sound of Blossom! Lots of love xxx

  • Reply
    Rachel @ The Ordinary Lovely
    January 3, 2016 at 3:30 pm

    Ach, resolutions are overrated anyway! Especially when the weather’s so bloody dismal. Can we resolve to have maybe one coffee morning a month, though? Somewhere that serves amazing cake? Resolutions like that are always a good idea πŸ˜‰ xx
    Rachel @ The Ordinary Lovely recently posted…JanuaryMy Profile

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      January 3, 2016 at 9:11 pm

      That sounds like a brilliant resolution to me! Let’s sort it xx

  • Reply
    Donna
    January 3, 2016 at 10:43 pm

    Soon life will be brighter. I hope this year brings you nice things, happy days and some sunshine x
    Donna recently posted…5 Tips for Holidaying in the UKMy Profile

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      January 4, 2016 at 8:32 pm

      Thank you so much Donna! I hope so xx

  • Reply
    Mackenzie Glanville
    January 3, 2016 at 11:09 pm

    You are so right we never know what the year is going to bring, I have always struggled with not knowing and uncertainty, it makes me very anxious. I have been working so hard on this over the past 18 months, trying to live more in the moment and not live in fear of the future. Your strength is amazing, and I am sure there are many times you feel like you have no strength left, but just remember that there are so many people sending you positive vibes and use those vibes to keep going. You are beautiful xx

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      January 4, 2016 at 9:39 pm

      Thanks Mackenzie, such kind words. I really do think all the positive thoughts help sometimes, must try to remember that when I’m feeling low! x

  • Reply
    Ling
    January 4, 2016 at 11:26 am

    Dearest Julia, I can teach you how to crochet, I’ll bring everything. XXXXXX & hugs

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      January 4, 2016 at 8:32 pm

      Yes! I didn’t know you could do that too! It’s a deal πŸ™‚ xxxx

  • Reply
    Joyce
    January 4, 2016 at 11:30 am

    Enjoy reading your post.

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      January 4, 2016 at 8:33 pm

      Thank you! x

  • Reply
    International Elf Service
    January 5, 2016 at 12:00 pm

    I don’t make resolutions either! I always feel slightly daunted on New Year’s Eve for some reason, which is just silly as really it’s just a date in the calendar. I think we just have to make the most of each day, change what we’re not happy with (if we can) and work for the future we want and the person we would like to be… no hard tasks there then! I did love your post – so honest and full of things that matter. A very rich read. Much love x

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      January 13, 2016 at 8:02 am

      Thank you so much – you are right about that. Lots of love xx

  • Reply
    laura dove
    January 6, 2016 at 12:50 pm

    I have just discovered your blog and am sat here with tears streaming down my face at the loss of your much loved husband. I hope that 2016 is kinder to you and your family. Much love.
    laura dove recently posted…Oh Meggy…..My Profile

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      January 13, 2016 at 8:03 am

      Oh thank you so much Laura, I am sorry though but thanks for your kind words xx

  • Reply
    Pamela | Life With Munchers
    January 7, 2016 at 8:49 am

    I’m not one for resolutions either. I think we all need a few years where we just take life as it finds us and get through it. You end up putting unnecessary pressure on yourself otherwise.

    All the best for 2016 x
    Pamela | Life With Munchers recently posted…New Year…New Look…New DirectionMy Profile

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      January 13, 2016 at 8:04 am

      You are right – I definitely think not putting pressure on is the way to go. Thank you! x

  • Reply
    Tim
    January 7, 2016 at 9:57 pm

    There’s a lot to be said for tackling the year one small, manageable step at a time. Take each small victory for what it is. It’s all too easy to set a big goal (says he, who has done exactly that and laid out a careful plan as to exactly how I will make the time to do it) and fall flat on your face when all your assumptions are burst like so many balloons. I hope you and the kids get off to a positive start this year – and who knows what will happen from there?
    Tim recently posted…The joy in the games children playMy Profile

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      January 13, 2016 at 8:04 am

      Thanks Tim. I like your method of setting out goals too though, I am sure that will help you stick to them! x

  • Reply
    Suzanne
    January 7, 2016 at 11:01 pm

    Oh Julia, what a year for you and your family. No words really. Just wanted to acknowledge that I have read and I’m sending prayers and thoughts for your little family in 2016. Hang in there ‘Little Fighter’. What a lovely card. X

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      January 13, 2016 at 8:05 am

      Thank you so much Suzanne. I am going to put that card on my fridge in full view! x

  • Reply
    Our Seaside Baby
    January 8, 2016 at 5:55 pm

    Ah Julia, I relate to what you say because 2015 didn’t go the way I had planned either. Everything is so recent for you, you’ve lost your rock but you are doing amazingly well. You don’t need to make long term plans, I think taking each day as it comes is a great focus. Big hugs xxx p.s. I always feel like cigarette too even though I’ve never been a regular smoker! :S
    Our Seaside Baby recently posted…Photo Friday: FreedomMy Profile

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      January 13, 2016 at 8:06 am

      Thank you, I’m sorry you had a rubbish year as well, I am definitely taking each day as it comes, lots of love x

  • Reply
    Kerry
    January 9, 2016 at 12:24 pm

    I really admire you and your writing. Your husband would be very proud of you I’m sure. I hope 2016 is the year where things become easier for you and your family xxx
    Kerry recently posted…War & Peace, Healthy Breakfasts, and a Think Money IglooMy Profile

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      January 13, 2016 at 8:06 am

      Thanks Kerry. I really hope you are right! x

  • Reply
    Tracey Williams
    January 9, 2016 at 8:33 pm

    I really hope that 2016 will be a little bit brighter for you. You are an amazing and strong woman, and you write so beautifully. Of course there will be tears along the way, but I hope that the smiles outweigh the tears this years. Hugs xxx
    Tracey Williams recently posted…Our travel plans for 2016My Profile

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      January 13, 2016 at 8:07 am

      Thanks Tracey, that means such a lot x

  • Reply
    The first week of the year.... check! - Rainbeaubelle
    January 10, 2016 at 8:30 am

    […] of the year is over and it seems to be going ok so far *touch wood*. I didn’t make any real resolutions – more like reminders to live a certain way and not be too hard on myself, to try to make […]

  • Leave a Reply

    CommentLuv badge

    Read previous post:
    Sam and Flo with new bikes 2015 http://rainbeaubelle.com
    Me and Mine – a Portrait for December

    Joining in with the Me and Mine family portrait project means the last week or so of every month is...

    Close