We’re all just winging it

Crazy Town close up

Crazy Town close up

Over a cup of tea with my friend the other day (we were at my kitchen table, while two out of the five kids we have between us were busy taking the clothes off every Sylvanian Family and Frozen doll in the lounge), we spoke about how disorganised life is these days.

It started as I was telling her how much I seem to be getting wrong these days, such as:

All the birthdays I had forgotten
All the cards I meant to send
The presents I should have bought
The letters I should have opened
The tax I forgot to pay
The ironing that was piling up
The sleep I never got
The healthy dinners I should have cooked
The babysitters I forgot to book
The homework I should have helped with more
The play dates I never set up
The runs I couldn’t do
The texts I never replied to
The dinner parties I should have hosted
The clubs I should be taking my son to
The 10,000 (yes really) unread emails in my inboxes

The list really is endless. As a single working parent of two little ones, some days it really does feel like the things I can’t do far outweigh the things I can. However strong my intentions are, there just aren’t enough hours in the day to fit it all in.

Add grief on top of that, and the mental and physical tiredness that it brings, and my head feels like it really has very little room for anything else. I feel exhausted and really like I just need some time out to sleep, think and get on top of life.

Tea in my happy mug

I never want to sound like I’m wallowing, or asking for sympathy because I’m really not. This is the situation for me, and how I feel but the thing I’m trying to say is that everyone has these struggles. Parenthood is exhausting, and the years of bringing up small children really do need that extra bit of energy and military organisation. How many of us really feel like we are on top of life? How many of you read my list and nodded all the way through?

As my friend Clare said, she feels like she is just winging it all the time, going from one thing to the next feeling only just prepared, or not prepared at all but managing to get by. Being on my own with the kids, I feel the weight of this so much as all the responsibility s on my shoulders. I have to play good and bad cop, and if I’m not feeling that great then they don’t have another person there to balance me out.

I’ve heard all the ‘mum jokes’ about the husbands who got home too late to help with bedtime and will pay for it at the weekend, or the nightmare of solo parenting as dad works away. I get that it’s hard, I know it’s hard because for me that’s all I have.

Crazy Town pad

But what I’m trying to say is, it’s ok to wing it. It’s ok to just get by, to just be good enough. Some days will be harder than others, but some days will be amazing and we need to hang onto those awesome parenting days to get us through the bad ones. Even if we can’t really remember them because we’re too tired to think!

So this is my advice to you if you feel like life’s getting too much, and I’m writing it down to make sure I take it too.

Breathe, keep going, and remember this – you don’t have to be awesome every day, you just have to be good enough. And if you don’t feel like you’re good enough, like I often do, well there’s always tomorrow!

x Julia

PS Check out this perfect sweatshirt from Selfish Mother – for all of us just winging it!

Selfish Mother Winging It

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  • Reply
    Mummy Tries
    March 25, 2016 at 7:59 am

    Lovely lady, I’m sure you are doing SO MUCH better than you think you are! But yes, we are all winging it at the end of the day, crossing our fingers and hoping for the best. Hope you have a restful Easter xxx
    Mummy Tries recently posted…Proud to be a Member of the Sugar PoliceMy Profile

    • Reply
      March 30, 2016 at 7:51 pm

      Aw well maybe, who knows?! I did have a really good easter though thank you, feel better for it! x

  • Reply
    March 25, 2016 at 8:16 am

    Delete all those emails lovely. Any important ones will be sent again, don’t let them weigh you down – you have many other things already to think about xxx

    • Reply
      March 30, 2016 at 7:51 pm

      You know what, I have deleted thousands since this post and it feels good! x

  • Reply
    Mini travellers
    March 25, 2016 at 8:33 am

    You are definitely doing more than winging it my lovely but I do think that we should all have one of those jumpers!
    Mini travellers recently posted…Julia Donaldson’s The Scarecrows’ Wedding is Coming to the West EndMy Profile

    • Reply
      March 30, 2016 at 7:52 pm

      It’s ace isn’t it! x

  • Reply
    March 25, 2016 at 3:01 pm

    Life does get on top of us sometimes, and we get behind and think we’ll never catch up. I find writing lists help, but I still don’t beat myself up if I don’t complete them. We are all just winging it, but there’s nothing wrong with that.
    Anne recently posted…Disabled – But Still MeMy Profile

    • Reply
      March 30, 2016 at 7:52 pm

      No you are right, and lists are a good stress buster aren’t they x

  • Reply
    March 26, 2016 at 7:14 am

    I’ll second deleting the email – it’s very cathartic too!! And I am also certain that you a way way above the winging it level – I suspect we’re all doing better than we think we are if we keep holding ourselves to unrealistic supernumerary standards!
    Carie recently posted…Orange Peel – The Sugarblock Club {March}My Profile

    • Reply
      March 30, 2016 at 7:59 pm

      Emails now deleted, or most of them! I feel free!! x

  • Reply
    Kerrie McGiveron
    March 26, 2016 at 11:41 am

    You’re doing brilliantly – I resent winging it – we’re all working so hard at whatever we’re doing – you are amazing lady, stay strong xxx
    Kerrie McGiveron recently posted…Liverpool: #EvolvingCitiesMy Profile

    • Reply
      March 30, 2016 at 7:59 pm

      Thank you! x

  • Reply
    March 27, 2016 at 6:37 am

    Cheers to winging it lady – although you’re doing brilliantly well and you’re more than winging it from what I can see. Everything on your list can either wait or be forgotten, you’re already doing all the important stuff to take care of your family. Lots lot love to you x x

    • Reply
      March 30, 2016 at 8:00 pm

      Thank you, I hope you are doing ok, you will know about winging it too! xx

  • Reply
    Becky | Spirited Puddle Jumper
    March 29, 2016 at 7:15 pm

    Here here, I agree that I think most of us are winging it a great deal of the time, and it’s got to be especially hard as a working, single parent. You are doing a FAB job, don’t forget that. I make sure I revel in the odd day when I’m actually on top of stuff, and then I feel I can rest easy and not worry too much the rest of the time! xx
    Becky | Spirited Puddle Jumper recently posted…Snippets of EasterMy Profile

    • Reply
      March 30, 2016 at 8:02 pm

      That is a great plan, making sure you really make the most of the days when things are going well, rare as they may be! xx

  • Reply
    March 30, 2016 at 1:10 pm

    I think we all are – but you’re allowed to forget stuff. Tiredness and parenthood is tough and you’re doing a fab job flying solo. BIG hugs you fab Mama xx
    mummyofboygirltwins recently posted…An inspiring career book #GIRLBOSSMy Profile

    • Reply
      March 30, 2016 at 8:18 pm

      Thanks Jess! Hugs back at ya! x

  • Reply
    Caro | The Twinkle Diaries
    March 30, 2016 at 2:03 pm

    Love this pet — and yep — I think we’re all winging it aren’t we? I know that most days I don’t manage to complete even a quarter of the things on my ‘to-do’ list. Things slide and before I know it we’re into another month and I STILL haven’t managed to do all the stuff I was supposed to.

    I think you’re being too hard on yourself though — I struggle but I’ve got Dickie propping me up. At the minute you’re having to do it all yourself which must be exhaustingly hard. I think you’re amazing — Flo and Sam are SO lucky they have a supermum like you. Lots of love xxx
    Caro | The Twinkle Diaries recently posted…Home Etc #44My Profile

    • Reply
      March 30, 2016 at 8:19 pm

      Ah thanks Caro, I hope you’re right xxx

  • Reply
    March 31, 2016 at 10:36 am

    such true words. I think we all wing it and don’t realize that we are doing a good job. Glad I am not the only one with 10000 unread emails!
    Alison recently posted…Hummingbird CupcakesMy Profile

  • Reply
    March 31, 2016 at 3:49 pm

    I constantly feel like I’m chasing my tail, I’m completely organised, leave everything to the last minute (I don’t mean to) time just seems to run away from me. At times it makes me feel stressed but other times I think does it really matter? Who cares if they are occasionally late for school, does it matter if she doesn’t read a book every night and it’s no big deal if some days they have pizza for tea! I think we are winging it most of the time.
    Natalie recently posted…The art of doing nothingMy Profile

  • Reply
    March 31, 2016 at 3:50 pm

    Totally meant to say unorganised!
    Natalie recently posted…The art of doing nothingMy Profile

  • Reply
    April 1, 2016 at 2:22 pm

    You’re right Julia, I nodded all the way through this. In fact I wrote some similar a few weeks ago, after seeing this sweatshirt! The thing is, whatever my intentions are, I know that I will not change. Life is hectic, it’s more about accepting that. I’m sure you’re doing an amazing job with your kiddies. I think one of the most important things is to cut ourselves some slack. X

  • Reply
    Our Seaside Baby
    April 3, 2016 at 5:06 pm

    We’re all just winging it aren’t we, some days more than others, but I’m sure you’re doing an amazing job, even if it doesn’t seem like it. I’ve also got 10,000 + emails in my inbox too, oops! But it doesn’t matter does it? I’ve learnt to ignore the things that aren’t important and concentrate on the things that are. Mindfulness/meditation has helped a lot. Love the jumper 🙂 Hugs, Polly xx
    Our Seaside Baby recently posted…Silent Sunday: Throwing PebblesMy Profile

  • Reply
    April 4, 2016 at 4:44 pm

    Delete ALL those emails – so not important (I had 69,000 at one point backed up on my gmail and I deleted the lot- not missed a single one!) and all the rest- forget about it. xxx You are doing yout best and your best is good enough x
    mamasvib recently posted…V. I. BUYS: Welcome to #mamamondays….. Blogging Awards, Green People Beauty Boost & CMYK Living *Giveaway*My Profile

  • Reply
    May 3, 2016 at 8:09 am

    Gosh you amazing woman! I have a friend whose recently lost her husband and has two children (one of which is newborn and never met her daddy). Every time I see her I think of how bloody hard it must be and I feel like going for a quiet cry on her behalf.

    High five to you my lovely, I think you are doing far more than just winging it. You are living it and acing it x

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