When I come to write these monthly posts, it is usually the last day of the month and I can only remember what we got up to in the past seven days, such is my single mother memory!
This month is different. We have spent the last week of July on holiday in Devon, which has definitely been a way to end what has been a pretty crappy month on a high. As I drove back home to Yorkshire today (six and a half hours of car contemplation time!) I thought how glad I was to say goodbye to this month, then pulled myself back and tried to weigh up all the good times we’ve had as well as the bad.
When I say bad, I just mean there have been a few difficult weeks for me, not bad in any particular way just a month where I have struggled and felt really low in myself. I’m told the second year after loss can be a major one and this one hit me like a ton of bricks. July 17 was the second anniversary of Roger’s death, and you know, it wasn’t a date I really worried about but as it approached I felt like I’d gone back to how I felt in 2015. I’ve cried at work, on trains, on probably every one of my friends and family, and it got to the stage where I was wondering if I was falling into a massive hole of self pity and needed to get a bloody grip on myself.
I wrote this post about how I felt two years on and don’t want to repeat myself or wallow in it anymore, so if you feel like having a read do grab a tissue and take a look 🙂
Once the 17th had been and gone I genuinely felt the clouds lift and keeping myself so busy this week has totally drawn me back into the now and I feel much more like myself again. The positive Jules is coming back. I haven’t cried all week (well maybe once) and I genuinely don’t feel as low and vulnerable as I did. I remember from when I had counselling from a Cruse volunteer in the months after Roger died being told that grief comes and goes and it’s not always when you expect it. The longer time goes on though, you recover more quickly and eventually each wave hits you a little bit less.
Now we’ve got the rubbish parts out of the way let’s look at what has been good in July. Well, July is party month as well as Flo celebrates her birthday and this year she turned four. We had a unicorn themed party at home and despite me wondering why I’d decided to invite 11 kids round for party games I hadn’t planned, it went surprisingly well!
I also ran the Leeds 10k with a team from work and had a brilliant day, despite it being boiling hot and there being absolutely no shade on Kirkstall Road. Let’s just say the recovery at the pub was worth it. It’s pushed me to keep running more though and I need to sign up for another local 10k to stop me from running home after a 5k practice.
Our holiday in Devon has been so good, I will be writing separate posts on it but we stayed with a really good old friend and her family, before going glamping together (three adults and four kids) at Crealy Adventure Park in Exeter.
We dodged the rain and managed a day on the beach bodyboarding and wave jumping, a day at the National Marine Aquarium in Plymouth and a few dips in my friend’s hot tub. Winner!
We stayed with my friend Claire on the way down to break the journey up too, so feel like I’ve caught up with some of my best mates as well as kept the kids entertained and *mostly* happy. Adult company and back-up when the kids are being full on is so welcome, after the weeks I was whining/talking about I have loved having my besties around to cheer me up and make me feel better and get things in perspective.
As for August – well, we are full on into the summer holidays now so in between my work days (yes to those for a break!) I’m looking forward to fitting in some days out, a few nights away and our weekend camping at Just So Festival mid-month. The family festival includes a tribal tournament where you choose your tribe (i.e. animal), dress up and show up! I’m not entirely sure what else that involves but let’s just saw I need to pull three lion costumes out of the bag before then. Ideas welcome, people!
Have a great month anyway and thanks for reading,
This post is linked up with the Me and Mine project – hosted by Dear Beautiful, Bump to Baby, Capture By Lucy, Let’s Talk Mommy, Mummy Daddy Me and Tigerlilly Quinn and Our Life As We See It – where you take a photograph a month of your family all together.
Read more Me and Mine posts from Rainbeaubelle.