Family,Loss

The worst week of my life

  

If you know me or have been reading my blog, you will know we’ve had some very bad news recently. After weeks of investigations for symptoms doctors presumed were caused by my husband Roger’s previous health problems, he was diagnosed with bowel cancer and it appeared to have spread to his lungs. 

We were holding out for hope of treatment, just something that would be a chance of saving him and getting him through yet another horrendous episode in our lives. But just over a week ago, we were told there is nothing that can be done to remove the cancer. Our focus now should be on managing symptoms, making Roger comfortable and making the most of every single minute we have left together. How long that will be nobody knows, and it’s just impossible to put into words the devastation we have both felt since we found out. My husband, my most favourite person on the world, is coming to the end of his life and it feels like my life is coming to an end too. Our happy little bubble, the life we’ve made together, now has an end in sight and every time my mind races on I just can’t accept what we’ve been told is the inevitable. We’ve always been so happy, we rarely argue, understand each other so well and like most couples, counted on being there for one another for years to come. 

We even sit next to each other at work and still haven’t got sick of the sight of one another! How can this be happening to us, why not someone else, somewhere else, many years down the line? We’ve only just started our family life, how can it be coming to an end so bloody soon? 

We’ve already had two years of ups and downs since Roger, who previously seemed so healthy, vibrant and fit, collapsed at home and was taken into intensive care. He was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder called Jak2, which had led to the onset of a blood cancer called Essential Thrombocythaemia. This had caused his blood to clot, and one of those clots had blocked and killed off part of his small bowel. The other was lodged in his portal vein, next to the liver, and could not be moved. He came through all that, managing to cope with so much, two years of illness, discomfort, sadness and worry. But now somehow, for some reason, a tumour has grown in his bowel and it’s not going away. He’s too high risk for surgery, and even if that were possible, apparently one dose of chemo could be fatal.

I’ve been struggling to find the words all week, but all I’ve been able to do is cry. I’ve cried so much it’s felt at times like it would never stop, but being a mum means it has to stop sometimes so I’m able to look after the kids. They don’t want to see me sad, crying over breakfast, through dinner and while they’re in the bath. What’s wrong? My eldest has asked. I just love your daddy and want him home, I tell him. It breaks my heart even to write these words down, it all seems so much more real when it’s out of my head. 

I’ve been living on fresh air, then chocolate, birthday cake and wine. I’ve had some wonderful and thoughtful friends help out by allowing me the space I need and leaving me little offerings behind the plant pots by my front door. I’ve been dreading seeing people and having to explain what’s going on. It’s almost as if the longer it stays inside the easier it will be. But I’m thankful for the messages I’ve had from friends, and the love they are sending is always welcome. 

I have put off writing this post, but Roger, my greatest cheerleader, has been encouraging me to, saying I can’t invite people on the journey and not take them on the ups and downs. I think he got this from Howard Stern…

Anyway, thanks for reading. 

X Julia  

  

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87 Comments

  • Reply
    Fiveadventurers
    April 8, 2015 at 7:02 pm

    You amazing, beautiful lady! This brought me to tears and my heart breaks for you both at this horrible time. I am so sorry that you are going through this and wish I could do or say something to ease your pain. So If nothing else we are sending lots of love, prayers and hugs from Lancashire. Much love x
    Fiveadventurers recently posted…Fantastic Value Family Breaks During School Holidays in LeicestershireMy Profile

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 8, 2015 at 10:29 pm

      Thank you lovely xxx

  • Reply
    Rachel @ The Ordinary Lovely
    April 8, 2015 at 7:06 pm

    Oh my God, Julia. I’m so, so sorry. It’s just devastating. You are immensely brave for putting this in writing. It must have been horrendous finding the words. I’m only 45 mins away from you … if you ever need anything, you only have to shout. Even if it’s just to come and drag you out for a coffee for half an hour xx
    Rachel @ The Ordinary Lovely recently posted…Because I never want to forget …My Profile

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 8, 2015 at 10:29 pm

      Hi Rachel, thanks so much, that’s so kind of you xxx

  • Reply
    Kiran
    April 8, 2015 at 7:14 pm

    Oh Julia. I am heartbroken for you and your family. I wish I knew what to say or do, or even that there was something to say. You are all in my thoughts and I am sending so much love. I can’t believe how unfair this is. Much much love xxx

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 8, 2015 at 11:12 pm

      Thanks so much xx

  • Reply
    Karen
    April 8, 2015 at 7:24 pm

    Darling Julia, I am sending you so much love. You are such a strong, brave woman – even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. Hope you create some lovely memories together over the next weeks and months – even when it is incredibly tough to do so. There are so many people ready to give you what ever help and support, whenever you are ready for it. Love you x
    Karen recently posted…Nine get muddy in PuzzlewoodMy Profile

  • Reply
    CoconutandBloom
    April 8, 2015 at 7:29 pm

    Look how brave and strong you are to write so honestly and open about what you’re going through ! My heart goes out to you and your family, sending love and strength your way x

  • Reply
    Steph
    April 8, 2015 at 7:34 pm

    Julia I am so dreadfully sorry for you and Roger what has been placed before you and your percious family. There are no words and I very much admire your courage and strength, which must feel alien in the circumstances, but you definitely show in huge amounts.

    All you can do is love and accept the love shown to you I guess x. It will always be there whatever time brings. I hope that will be a great comfort for you all whenever you need it – even from someone you’ve never met.

    Sending armfuls of love and warmest thoughts.
    Steph xxxx

  • Reply
    Nat Jones
    April 8, 2015 at 7:36 pm

    I’ve only just started following your blog but I read this with tears in my eyes! I know words can’t take the pain away and you don’t know me from Adam but sending you love and hugs from Lincolnshire xx

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 11, 2015 at 5:41 am

      Thank you xx

  • Reply
    Shannon Kyle
    April 8, 2015 at 7:37 pm

    Jules, there’s no words to say what I want to say. Life can be so cruel and so unfair, there seems to be no justice. What you have written so poignantly shows such strength at such an horrific time. Where ever there is life there is hope. And I hope the deep love you have for each other and your children can somehow make it all a tiny bit more bearable. Lots of love Shannon x x x

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 8, 2015 at 11:13 pm

      Thanks Shannon xx

  • Reply
    Tracy Newton
    April 8, 2015 at 7:42 pm

    I am a stranger, looking sadly in from the outside. Please make memory boxes for your children, write them letters for milestones in their lives, 18th and 21st birthdays, weddings, pregnancy, birth of first child etc. Please also record his voice. It was the first memory to go for me.

    Xxxxxx

  • Reply
    Notmyyearoff
    April 8, 2015 at 7:42 pm

    I’m so so sorry that you’re both going through this and this post has made me cry. You sound so perfect together and I truly hope that time together stretches far and long into the future yet. I can’t begin to imagine what you are going through but I just wanted to say I’m thinking of you xx
    Notmyyearoff recently posted…Dearest Little Z – Aged 4 years and 3 monthsMy Profile

  • Reply
    everything mummy
    April 8, 2015 at 7:42 pm

    I’m so sorry for all your going though julia your such a lovely lady sending loads of love to you all xx
    everything mummy recently posted…Valintines Gift GuideMy Profile

  • Reply
    Colette B
    April 8, 2015 at 7:43 pm

    Oh god. I have literally held my breath as I was reading this. I don’t even know what to say. I’m so so sorry.
    Colette B recently posted…Isn’t it about time we decided to #ChooseBeautiful?My Profile

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 8, 2015 at 10:29 pm

      Thank you xxx

  • Reply
    Paul Cockerton
    April 8, 2015 at 7:44 pm

    So sorry to be reading this – thoughts with you all.

  • Reply
    You Baby Me Mummy
    April 8, 2015 at 7:47 pm

    Oh huni, you are incredible. I wish I could do or say something to help, but there is nothing I can say. You have all my love and I wish you and Rog as many happy memories as possible. Lots of love xxx

  • Reply
    sarah christie
    April 8, 2015 at 7:48 pm

    Oh Julia my heart aches for you all, I wish I could do or say something that helps. Any thing you need just call, i will have you all in my thoughts and prayers xx
    sarah christie recently posted…The Copthorne and the Chocolate Factory EventMy Profile

  • Reply
    Sarah Doyle - let them be small
    April 8, 2015 at 7:49 pm

    there are no words xxx
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  • Reply
    Harriet
    April 8, 2015 at 7:50 pm

    Reading this brought tears to my eyes. I can’t imagine what you and your family are going through. I am so sorry to read this. Sending you love & strength xx
    Harriet recently posted…Interior decorating ideas- toddler roomMy Profile

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 11, 2015 at 5:40 am

      Thank you xx

  • Reply
    Vicki
    April 8, 2015 at 7:52 pm

    Julia, I just don’t understand how life can be so cruel. I am utterly devastated for you & think you deserve a medal for being upright on two feet & making it through this past week. I’m so so sorry for you & Roger and just don’t know how I can convey how so sorry I am for you. I wish there was something I could do to lessen your pain or help Roger. My heart goes out to you xxxx

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 11, 2015 at 5:40 am

      Thank you xxx

  • Reply
    Kat | Beau Twins
    April 8, 2015 at 7:54 pm

    I adore your relationship with Rog, it’s a very special one indeed. I love the fact you love each other so much. You can clearly tell from his encouragement that he loves you dearly. I know love won’t cure this, I know love won’t change it, but the love you have for each other will get you through this. I can’t imagine or begin to imagine the pain you are going through. You do what you have to do my lovely one, we are all here for you. Space and time and even when you want a really crap joke. Did you like my joke from last night? You can tell I have the mind of a 10 year old right? Love you dearly gorgeous lady. We are right here. Xxxx

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 11, 2015 at 5:40 am

      Thanks Kat xxx keep the jokes coming lovely!! Xx

  • Reply
    Kimmy
    April 8, 2015 at 8:01 pm

    Julia, I am so so sorry to hear this.
    I feel like I can’t even offer the right words to say because I can’t imagine how hard it must feel. My heart breaks for you. You are being so incredibly strong and I hope that you, roger and the children enjoy every waking minute together and that time stretches out for as long as possible for you all. Lots of love. Kimmy x

  • Reply
    Sophie @ Mum, M & More
    April 8, 2015 at 8:03 pm

    You are so brave, and I’m so sorry. Thoughts are prayers are with you and your family x
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  • Reply
    LittleOandMe
    April 8, 2015 at 8:04 pm

    I’m so so sorry this is happening to you and your wonderful family. I have been reading your blog for a while now and the love between you and Roger shines through in your writing. Your so bloody brave sharing your story and I’m sending all my love to you and your family. Life really is so shitty sometimes!
    Becky xxx
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  • Reply
    Isabella @ Fairies & Pirates
    April 8, 2015 at 8:07 pm

    There are no words for what you’re going through; I am so moved by your post. I wish you and your husband and family the strength to face the challenge ahead and to make the most of the time you have together. x

  • Reply
    Mrs H
    April 8, 2015 at 8:08 pm

    Darling Julia, you are so brave and wonderful for writing this post. I know that writing those words must have torn your heart apart. I can’t imagine how you are feeling. It seems so unfair. So unjust. So cruel. I wish I was a fairy godmother and I could wave a magic wand and make everything better. But life isn’t that easy. I want to be able to give you a massive cuddle and let you cry on my shoulder. It is all so tragic. Please know that I am here for you and I am sending you all the love in the world. If only love were enough! The biggest hugs anyone could give Lucy xxxx
    Mrs H recently posted…50 things that make me happyMy Profile

  • Reply
    Hayley (@hayleyfromhome)
    April 8, 2015 at 8:22 pm

    Julia, I so desperately wish I could write something to make this better, or do something to help. I am so incredibly sorry that this is happening to you and Roger, it doesn’t seem right or fair and I think you are both amazing! I hope it has helped to write this down, you are doing so well lovely through all of this, I can’t even imagine how difficult it is. Words never seem enough sending so much love xxxx
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  • Reply
    Misunderstood Mummy
    April 8, 2015 at 8:34 pm

    I am so sorry this is happening to you both, life can be so awfully unfair sometimes. I wish there was something I could do or say to make you feel even the slightest bit better, but I know there isn’t, I cannot even begin to imagine how u are both feeling. You are both amazingly brave xxxx

  • Reply
    Katy {What Katy Said}
    April 8, 2015 at 8:45 pm

    There are just no words. It is all so unfair and cruel. I wish there was more we could all do for you but just know we are there, always xxxxx
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  • Reply
    Alex
    April 8, 2015 at 8:52 pm

    I have been trying to write this comment for about 5 minutes… Writing…deleting… Writing again. There’s nothing I can say to change things, but please know I am thinking of you all in this difficult time and send you lots of love. Alex x
    Alex recently posted…Weekend Baby Style #8My Profile

  • Reply
    Mumma McD
    April 8, 2015 at 8:57 pm

    Oh lovey, this is just devastating to read. What a brave woman you are, and an amazing man Roger is. Do what you need to do, and remember, just breathe xx
    Mumma McD recently posted…Why mums returning to work make awesome employeesMy Profile

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 11, 2015 at 5:39 am

      Thank you xx

  • Reply
    Anne
    April 8, 2015 at 9:02 pm

    I don’t know you but I think you are incredibly brave to post this and open up your heart this way. Soak up all the love and support that comes your way. Sadly you are not alone, I already have two friends who have been through similar, it’s a tough journey, it’s a tough world and nobody deserves it, ever. I have no magic wand, I have no magic words but be assured that I, like many others will be thinking of you and your family and sending you love and strength by the bucket load xx

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 8, 2015 at 10:28 pm

      Thank you so much xx

  • Reply
    Lyndy
    April 8, 2015 at 9:04 pm

    Julia…my heart goes out to you it really does….im so sorry. You and your beautiful family are in my thoughts and prayers…stay strong…easier said than done.much love Lyndy(we met at sensory baby im.carolines sister) Luciana and family.xxxx

  • Reply
    Deb Troops
    April 8, 2015 at 9:48 pm

    Julia I don’t know what to say and sorry isn’t near enough. You’ve been in my prayers and all of you will stay right there. Every day now is as precious as the ones before this terrible thing happened to you. I know you have lots of support but I just wanted to add myself to the list. Take care and don’t be too brave to need someone to have a shout at. In my darkest hour I found utility companies were a great punchbag. Keep writing, Rog is right and remember we’re all here. Going nowhere x
    Deb Troops recently posted…Change is goodMy Profile

  • Reply
    Cath
    April 8, 2015 at 9:53 pm

    You and Rog and S and F have been in mine (and all Bid’s sisters’) thoughts this week since she told us. Can’t even believe it can be happening. No idea how to even try and console you, but your writing is touching many and you and R have created two beauties. Even though you must be feeling beyond desperate, your words will be comfort for R, knowing how loved he is and S and F are lucky having parents who love each other so much. I’ll be doubling up the Jolleys’ bedtime prayers going for you all. Cath.xxx

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 8, 2015 at 10:24 pm

      Thanks Cath, yes keep those prayers going please we always need them! Lots of love xxx

  • Reply
    Lisa@intotheglade
    April 8, 2015 at 9:55 pm

    Julia, I have had to come back to write my comment not because I have anything special to say but because everything seems so wrong and there just are not the words. Sometimes it easier to shout at someone you don’t know because they have no expectations, my offer stands forever! You are all never far from our whole family’s thoughts and prayers. Lots of love and hugs Lisa xxxxxx
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    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 8, 2015 at 10:23 pm

      Thanks so much, you are fab xxx

  • Reply
    Sally wheatman
    April 8, 2015 at 9:56 pm

    Julia, it’s heart-breaking to read your news. I can only imagine what you’re all going through. I’m so sorry xx
    Sally wheatman recently posted…Celebrating Poetry, All Month LongMy Profile

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 8, 2015 at 10:23 pm

      Thanks Sally xx

  • Reply
    Nicki W
    April 8, 2015 at 10:20 pm

    Dear Julia
    I’m a friend of your lively and lovely sis Katie so don’t know you, but having read this tonight I want to reach out and offer you my love, prayers and complete admiration for your braveness and honesty. What a truly horrendous situation, I really can only imagine how you all feel and no words I have can do justice to the injustice you are suffering. The obvious true love between your husband and you is a blessing on the world, the children of your loving relationship will bring more of that purity to the planet, and have faith that your strength in admitting your utter devestation will somehow help you and your family keep all that is good about you. My thoughts and love are with you all now and always. Xxxxxx

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 8, 2015 at 10:23 pm

      Thank you xx

  • Reply
    Amy
    April 8, 2015 at 11:52 pm

    Oh Julia, I’m struggling to know what to say other than to offer my love, support and prayers to you and your family. I am so so sorry my love. I can’t imagine what you’re going through and as Kat says we are all right here with you darling. If you ever need to talk to someone then please don’t hesitate I am always up until the early hours and would be right here if you need someone.

    I’m thinking of you, your family and sending you strength, prayers and so much love. xxxx

  • Reply
    Kirsten Toyne
    April 9, 2015 at 5:29 am

    This is my first visit to your site as I am new to the scene. I have just read your post and felt compelled to leave a message. I find myself really wanting to say something that will help but I know that no words can change anything. I am so sorry that you are having to face this. Even though we don’t know each other, I am thinking of you and your family at this awful time and wishing you all the support you need.

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 11, 2015 at 5:38 am

      Thank you xx

  • Reply
    Eve Hughes
    April 9, 2015 at 7:31 am

    Dear Julia, by the power of Facebook I stumbled across your blog last night (we have mutual friends but again like others who have commented, I don’t know you personally). You have been on my mind since I read your blog and I just felt compelled to write. I feel such sadness that such a lovely, so in love, couple could be facing this with your two beautiful children but from the comments of the people who know you well I can see that you have something incredibly special and I will pray for you and hope that you get as much time to make memories with your lovely family. You have so many people touched by your story rooting for you and willing your lovely husband strength. I’m just a local Mum too but I wish and pray all that is good for you and your family. Lots of love, Eve x x

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 11, 2015 at 5:38 am

      Thank you so much for your comment and for thinking of us xx

  • Reply
    Vickie
    April 9, 2015 at 8:15 am

    Oh it breaks my heart to read this Julia. I am so very sorry for you, Rog and your family. I know that nothing can make this time any easier for you but I just wanted to let you know that you’re all in my thoughts. Vx

  • Reply
    Lynette
    April 9, 2015 at 10:59 am

    Oh babe I don’t know how you found the strength to write that. My heart is breaking for you all. It is so, so cruel. I just wish there was something I could do. If there is anything I can do don’t hestitate to let me know. Sending you and Roger all my love, Lynette xxx

  • Reply
    Tim
    April 9, 2015 at 12:38 pm

    Julia, I’m so sad to hear it’s come to this, having followed the ups and downs over the last few months. I can’t offer any words of comfort other than to say that you’re in my thoughts and I hope you and Roger make the absolute most out of the time you have together.

  • Reply
    Alison Cockburn
    April 9, 2015 at 5:55 pm

    So sorry to hear your sad news Julia. I cannot imagine how you are feeling only that with a young family myself how devastated you must be. i hope you can see through the tears and enjoy the time you have left together.
    wishing all the family love and kind wishes.
    ali cockburn

  • Reply
    Caroline slinger
    April 9, 2015 at 9:11 pm

    Oh Julia, this is just so unfair and awful for you all. Sending you Love and strength and hugs…

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 11, 2015 at 5:39 am

      Thanks Caroline xx

  • Reply
    ash
    April 9, 2015 at 9:46 pm

    My heart goes out to you….A brave young lady in many ways…but braver than most to share your emotions with the world. You should be proud that you are encouraging people to discuss the end death with the dignity it.. your husband and your family deserve.
    You will be travelling a painful path and I dearly hope you find solace strength and love and support in all those around you who love and you and cherish.
    Live in the here and now..cherish the present try not to predict the what ifs….be honest tell people your are having a bad day…never use the word fine…and never explain why you feel the way you do…people will understand.
    Ask for help and grab everything with both hands. .lots of love support and positivity to you all xxxx

  • Reply
    Heledd @heleddlavender
    April 10, 2015 at 1:03 am

    Julia this has to be the bravest, most powerful thing I’ve ever read. Beyond the incredible sadness is a love and a bond that doesn’t happen every day. Your love story is so very special, I hope that in some way it’s power can help you through this awful time. As many have already said, I wish I had the words to make you feel even the slightest bit better but in reality there are none. Kling on to your man for as long as you can, make memories, talk, take pictures, record his voice, even make videos if he’s up to it. Sending you and your family all my love and please know that I think of you daily xxx
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    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 11, 2015 at 5:37 am

      Thanks Heledd, I know you are thinking of us too, thank you so much xxx

  • Reply
    Heledd @heleddlavender
    April 10, 2015 at 1:06 am

    *Cling on… (how did that happen?) xx
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  • Reply
    Beth Twinderelmo
    April 10, 2015 at 7:15 am

    You will probably read these words then click off the screen. My words don’t stay with you. They may help temporarily or make you smile but when you are living it – fleeting moments of distraction are welcome.
    We were told the same thing last year. 17th February to be precise. I couldn’t fully process what was being said to me. She was always full of life – fit and healthy and her walking capacity put me to shame. I hid my pain and tears from her, my kids and husband because I felt compelled to appear brave in the face of adversity.
    I wish I could say something just SOMETHING that may change, ease or aid you all but I can’t. I won’t patronise with advice either but what I will say it – write all you want. Good, bad, angry, so heartbreakingly sad. I’m not going anywhere and writing is often easier than talking and trying to convey the bubbling storm in your head.
    I hope that following the worst week of your life you will make some of your most precious treasured memories in the months to come xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 11, 2015 at 5:36 am

      Thanks so much Beth, I’m just so sorry you have already experienced this with your mum, thank you for your kind words xx

  • Reply
    Lindsay @ Newcastle Family Life
    April 10, 2015 at 9:14 pm

    Oh i am so sorry to read this. I have no words and have no idea of what you are going through. I truly hope that you get to spend time as a family making memories you can treasure forever. xx
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  • Reply
    My Life As A Mummy
    April 11, 2015 at 3:07 pm

    Oh Julia, I am so so sorry to hear your terrible news! Whilst I can not say anything to make you feel better, I am sending you so much love at the moment! We are all here for you!
    <3
    Laura x x x
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    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 12, 2015 at 10:20 pm

      Thanks Laura xxx

  • Reply
    Rachel
    April 11, 2015 at 9:06 pm

    Julia I’m so very sad to read this. I’ve only been following your blog a short while but I was desperately hoping it would be better news than this. You probably won’t remember but when I had literally just started my little blog you made me feel welcome into the community with a little #ff message. I don’t know you outside of this online interaction but have been touched by your writing and thoughtfulness. You obviously have very many friends who care so much for you and your family. I also have no doubt that this amazing community of people you might only know online will also want to be there for your regardless of what you do with your blog at this difficult time. Write if you want, especially if it helps. But do it for you and don’t worry about your readers. I wish there was something I could do or say that could help but my words are fairly pointless. You and yiur family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you love and kindness. Rachel.
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    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 12, 2015 at 10:21 pm

      Rachel, thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts. Of course I remember you and the #ff! That’s made me smile! Thank you xx

  • Reply
    Imogen
    April 12, 2015 at 12:13 am

    Like I said before, I just don’t know why life has to be such a barbaric shit to such wonderful people. I am glad that you two found each other, though your happiness together must make this all the harder to bear. I am raging for you all. You and Rog are a lovely couple and I’m so sad for you both. Xxxxxxx

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 12, 2015 at 10:22 pm

      Thanks Immy xxx

  • Reply
    Elizabeth (Wander Mum)
    April 12, 2015 at 8:46 am

    Oh Julia, I am in tears reading this. It’s unbelieveable. You are so brave and strong for being able to write this all down. What an amazing man Roger is for encouraging you like that. He’s a special person. Life is so cruel. Make the most of this time together. Focus on the present and being with him. You are an amazing woman. My heart and thoughts go out to you and your family. xxx
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    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 12, 2015 at 10:22 pm

      Thank you so much xx

  • Reply
    Sarah P
    April 13, 2015 at 1:58 am

    I am so so sorry, hun. My thoughts go out to you and your family. xxx

  • Reply
    Ian Herbert
    April 14, 2015 at 1:04 pm

    Julia, we’ve not met but Roger and I worked together years ago on the Daily Post. It was such a great time. We were all still quite young back then and beginning to get some responsibility for producing the paper together. I left the paper in ’99 and have been at the Indy ever since but it was the best time in newspapers for me, such a great group of people with ideas and enthusiasm and Roger a brilliant driving force, passionate about the paper and generating great stories and, I especially remember, so great and patient with younger reporters coming through. Desperately sorry to read your news and will certainly add my prayers to the many others on here that things can turn around for you all. Send Rog my love and if he feels up to, and would like, a bit of emailing back and to, then just tell me where I can write to him. Thanks for writing. It’s a special blog you write. Love to you all, Ian xx

    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      April 14, 2015 at 3:45 pm

      Thanks Ian, that is such a lovely comment and you are spot on about Rog. He would love to hear from you, I’ll forward you his email address and pass yours to him. X Julia

  • Reply
    Brighton Mama @ Our Seaside Baby
    April 17, 2015 at 8:41 pm

    So sorry to read this. It must be an incredibly difficult time and will be thinking about you all xx
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    Lisa (mummascribbles)
    April 18, 2015 at 5:08 pm

    Oh Julia, I don’t know where I’ve been but I have only just seen this dreadful news. I am so sorry and I know that no words can make this any better. I know that hearing those words from the doctors are just the worst (I’ve heard them). I am so sorry that this is happening to your truly beautiful family. Enjoy every moment you have left together, make memories that will live with you forever. Sending you all so much love lady, I am thinking of you all xxxx
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    Amber
    April 18, 2015 at 5:14 pm

    I’ve been reading your blog with tears streaming down my face. You brave lady, you’re writing from an awful place, from my worst nightmare, and I’m just in awe of the grace and strength with which you’re sharing your story. I hope so much that Roger astonishes the doctors with his resilience and longevity and that you have much, much more time with your best friend. You are all in my thoughts.
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    Adventures of a Novice Mum
    April 20, 2015 at 7:11 pm

    O my word! How terribly sad. So so sorry. Words elude me. How does one comfort and soothe a pain so deep? I feel for you … my heart goes out to you … I was really hoping it wouldn’t be so final. My word, your husband is quite a chap; encouraging you to keep on blogging through this really horrible down – what a tiny reflection of the incredible support he has been to you over the years. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
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    Lucy capture by lucy
    May 29, 2015 at 11:11 am

    Oh my goodness, I am reading this with tears in my eyes, your photo just popped into my IG feed and I realised I hadn’t seen your terrible news. I can’t believe it. You lady are one of the bravest people I know. Sending you so much love. xxxxxxxxxx
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    • Reply
      Rainbeaubelle
      May 29, 2015 at 11:56 am

      Thank you so much Lucy, I really do appreciate that, lots of love back to you x

  • Reply
    Potty Mouthed Mummy
    June 26, 2015 at 6:54 pm

    I have come into your story later than some, I almost feel like perhaps I shouldn’t comment. But I want to. To say I’m so sorry. To say your marriage and your husband sound wonderful and that your writing is eloquent and beautiful during a time few of us would dare to imagine. Much love to you all xxx
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